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Ring Bearer and Flower Girl 101: Your Questions Answered!
Deciding on a ring bearer and flower girl for your wedding can either be straightforward or a bit ambiguous and complicated. Either way, this is an important wedding decision you need to make. There are several factors involved in choosing the right kiddos for the role, or if you even want that role in your wedding!
Here are some answers to common questions people have about choosing a ring bearer and flower girl and what’s involved in the role.
- Kids or no kids?
- How old should the ring bearer and flower girl be?
- Who should you choose to be your ring bearer and flower girl?
- Breaking tradition is okay.
- What should they wear?
- Should your ring bearer actually carry the rings?
- Consider the parents of your ring bearer and flower girl, too.
1. Kids or no kids?
Before you even consider your options for a ring bearer and flower girl, you need to decide if you even want kids at your wedding. Kids at a wedding can be super cute, but they also can cause a lot of extra headaches and responsibility for those involved. There are a couple of options when it comes to having kids at your wedding. You could
- Have an entirely adult-only wedding and reception
- Include kids in the ceremony as, but have an adult-only reception
- Allow only kids in the wedding party to be at the reception
- Invite only kids of close family to the wedding and reception
- Have an open invitation for kids of family and friends at your wedding and reception
- Provide an area and supervision for kids at your wedding so your guests (and you!) can let loose!
2. How old should the ring bearer and flower girl be?
What age your ring bearer and flower girl should be is a common question. The generally accepted age range for kids in these roles is between 4 or 5 to 8 or 10 years old, depending on maturity. Any younger and they might be too skittish to perform the role, any older and they might be better included as a junior groomsman or junior bridesmaid. However, if you have your heart set on a child that might be too young to carry on this role on their own (or maybe can’t even walk yet), another option might be to have them pulled down the aisle in a wagon by an older kid or teenager or even carried by an adult.
Also, it’s not unheard of to have grandparents perform these roles instead. This can be equally, if not more, endearing as having a little one. Having a grandparent fill the roles of ring bearer or flower girl is also an excellent option if you’ve decided to have an adults-only wedding.
3. Who should you choose to be your ring bearer and flower girl?
Just like deciding to have kids at your wedding can be a no-brainer or a challenge, the same can be said for deciding who you choose to be your ring bearer and flower girl. For example, if you and/or your partner have kids of your own of the appropriate age, they could easily be the ones to fill these roles. If you don’t have kids, the role typically goes to a niece or nephew or the child of the maid of honor, best man, or another of the wedding party, or a child you have a special relationship with.
However, things can get complicated if you have a lot of special kiddos in your life. If you have a few candidates for ring bearers and flower girls, it’s okay to have multiples! Or if you’re set on just having one child per role, think of other ways to include other special kids you know in your wedding. You might include them by:
- Making them junior bridesmaids/ groomsmen
- Letting them help you with wedding planning DIY crafts
- Making them miniature photographers
- Dancing with them at the reception
- Or simply giving them flower wreaths or boutonnieres to wear throughout the event to make them feel as special as they are
4. Breaking tradition is okay.
When it comes to choosing your ring bearer and flower girl, it’s important to remember that this is your wedding, and breaking tradition is okay if it’s what suits you and your partner best. For instance, you don’t even have to have a ring bearer or flower girl if you don’t want to! Or, as previously discussed, you can have multiple! It’s entirely up to you and your partner.
Likewise, these roles are generally assigned by gender. But it’s absolutely okay to have a girl step in as ring bearer, and a boy can just as easily throw flower petals. Or they don’t even have to be human! If you have a well-loved (and well-behaved) family dog, they could even step in and have a role in your ceremony!
Also, your “flower girl” doesn’t even have to throw flowers! You can think outside the box and have them throw feathers or confetti, blow bubbles, carry pinwheels, or anything else you can think of that fits you and your wedding best!
5. What should they wear?
Generally, your ring bearer and flower girl wear outfits that somewhat match yours or the bridal party’s. These kiddos will look adorable in tiny tuxes and poofy dresses. However, as we just discussed, it’s okay to break tradition. If your wedding theme is less formal, you can have your ring bearer and flower girl wear whatever you want!
When designating an outfit for these kids, make sure you consider who is paying for them. Typically the parents pay for their outfits, so be sure to include options in various price points. Still, it can be a generous gesture to foot the bill yourself, and then you can set whatever budget you want!
6. Should your ring bearer actually carry the rings?
A common and highly debated question about your ring bearer is whether or not they should actually be carrying the rings. This really just depends on the individual you choose. If they are a dependable and trustworthy kiddo, they might be able to handle the care of your rings down the aisle. However, it’s not uncommon to have your ring bearer carry fake rings down the aisle and to have your best man or maid of honor in charge of the actual valuables. Just use your judgment (and that of the child’s parent) as far as what the child can or can’t handle, and make sure they are present at your wedding rehearsal.
7. Consider the parents of your ring bearer and flower girl, too.
When considering who to choose as your ring bearer and flower girl, consider their parents as well. Will their parents be able to be available to help watch and encourage their child at important times? They might have to be available well before the ceremony begins to make sure their child is ready. For this reason, it can be handy to designate these roles to the kids of someone in the wedding party because they will be there already.
If not in the wedding party, it is a good idea to seat the parents of the kids close to the front near the altar along the aisle to help encourage the kids down the aisle and give them a place to sit during the ceremony instead of standing with the wedding party and getting fidgety.
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